Looking at Ourselves in the Mirror

14 Elul, Tuesday, September 9

Jane McNally recently told me a story which took place years ago when Roman Catholic nuns wore traditional habits. It happened that a friend of hers, also a nun, went to a different part of town and saw people she had never seen before. One man who was a Sikh passed by her with his white turban wrapped elaborately around his head.

Without thinking, she said, “I would never be part of a religion that would require me to wear such a silly thing on my head.” And then she laughed, as she realized what she must look like to others.

The best part of this story, to me, was the humor that she brought to her own earnest convictions. If only we could enter into this time of self-scrutiny with the ability to laugh at ourselves.

This is the time to take a good hard look in the mirror. Who am I? Who have I become? Who did I once aim to be? Who do I believe I am? What do others see?

The Baal Shem Tov taught this great secret of Torah that “when one perceives a critical aspect in one's neighbor, what he is really observing is a defect in himself.” The faults that we most criticize in others are likely the ones that distress us the most about ourselves.  The Baal Shem saw this as a gift, a way that God opens our eyes to seek change. Whenever we notice that we are annoyed with someone else and critical of their behavior, that is the best time to consider the flaws in our own souls.

Is it possible to let down our defenses just enough to be honest about our misdeeds and at the same time to laugh at our human frailty? Can we approach teshuva without delusion and mend our ways without beating ourselves up? If we can treat our own weaknesses with understanding, then we will be even more likely to forgive others their failings as well.

The great poet laureate of Israel, Yehuda Amichai, gave us a poem from his own humble soul that can remind us to soften our judgements:

From the place where we are right

Flowers will never grow

In the spring.

The place where we are right

Is hard and trampled

Like a yard.

But doubts and loves

Dig up the world

Like a mole, a plow.

And a whisper will be heard in the place

Where the ruined

House once stood.