16 Elul, Thursday, September 11
Curiosity, Openness,
Acceptance, Love
I am a firm believer in the
power of ritual. Whether birthdays or holidays or special days, ritual can take
us beyond our immediate surroundings and connect us to something beyond. Some people light Shabbat candles to feel
connected to their parents and grandparents. Some people light Shabbat candles
to feel connected to other Jews throughout the world. Some people light Shabbat
candles to feel the calming presence of Shabbat. Some people light Shabbat
candles because that’s simply the ritual that feels right.
Whatever the ritual, I
believe that our practice open us up to develop mindfulness. Whatever we think
is our own reason for doing the ritual, the practice helps increase our
awareness. After lighting the candles, I settle into a different state.
People often confuse
mindfulness with placid acceptance. After all, whenever I leave my yoga class, when
my friend arrives for the next class she always tells me I look “blissed out.” Before I began these practices I often
thought of people who followed them as detached from reality. Blissed out.
Nothing could be further
from the truth. The purpose of mindfulness is to become more aware of reality,
not less. Studies have demonstrated the positive biological effect of these
practices. Meditation has been shown to slow the heartbeat, helping us to
distress In that calm state we can be
more open to looking at what we think and feel, all of it.
At the summer Hevraya
retreat of the Institute for Jewish Spirituality I spent four days practicing a
variety of mindfulness techniques: yoga,
meditation, silent meals, Torah study, davening. Our teacher, Rabbi Jonathan
Slater, led the meditation sessions. One day he gave us an acronym for cultivating
mindful awareness, COAL: Curiosity, Openness, Acceptance, and Love.
At this time of year, as
each of us pays more attention to the turning of the season and the impending
holy days, our minds and hearts can open up. Fearing judgment ourselves, we may
be less likely to judge others. Instead, we can face the world and everyone in
it, including ourselves, with Curiosity
and Openness.
Curiosity may lead us to
hear or see things that make us uncomfortable or unhappy. Mindful awareness
teaches us to accept what is, even
if we don’t like it. Before judging or pushing away “bad” feelings, mindfulness
teaches us to notice them, embrace them, and over time, perhaps to love them. They are as much a part of
who I am and what is happening in this moment as any “good” feelings.
In an unlikely source, a
book on Leadership, Ron Heifetz echoes this teaching about the sacred heart,
another way of thinking about mindful awareness:
“The virtue of a sacred
heart lies in the courage to maintain your innocence and wonder, your doubt and
curiosity, and your compassion and
love even through your darkest, most difficult moments.... A sacred heart means
you may feel tortured and betrayed, powerless and hopeless, and yet you stay open. It’s the capacity to encompass
the entire range of your human experience without hardening or closing
yourself. It means that even in the midst of disappointment and defeat, you
remain connected to people and to the sources of your most profound purposes.”
In this month of
self-examination, we might take time to examine without judgment, but with
curiosity and the desire to learn. Learning who we are, in honesty yet without
judgment can teach us to love, even what we fear. Is this bliss? Perhaps. It all
depends on the moment.
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