Starting anew

2 Elul, Thursday, August 28  

Watching my friend take a crumb from the loaf of challah that Shabbat changed my life. At least, it changed my perspective on challah. For years, even decades, as I’ve struggled with overeating, challah has represented one of my greatest temptations. The way we customarily tear at it, rather than slice it, allowed me to believe that I wasn’t eating all that much. I lost count of each soft, sweet, delicious shred of Shabbat delight. I even lost my ability to savor it.

When my friend took that crumb and passed the loaf on, her restraint illuminated a new reality:

I asked her, don’t you eat bread?

The answer was no. But not a stark no, a “no” that prohibited an entire category of food. Weeks later when I stayed in her home, she had spelt bread, Ezekiel bread, home-made challah without wheat. By that time, I had made a significant change in my attitude toward food. For the first time in my life, I began to eat to live, rather than live to eat.

I have not given up bread entirely, but I enjoy it sparingly. In fact, I enjoy most things sparingly. The difference is, I enjoy it all: fresh spinach sprinkled with peach-flavored white balsamic vinegar, plain yogurt with berries, sweet red peppers, well-cooked salmon, a summer peach.  

Walking into a grocery store or perusing a restaurant menu, the choices can be overwhelming. The selections are tempting. But just as I once modified my eating habits to keep a kosher lifestyle, I learned that I can limit my menu to the healthy options. Having foregone cookies and ice cream for nearly four months, they no longer call my name. Feeling fit and healthy has become more important than whatever happens to be on the table in front of me. It’s a choice I make at every meal.

Starting eating this way was not easy at first. Kol hatchalot kashot. All beginnings are difficult. Having supportive family and friends has been a great source of strength. And it all began with the one friend who showed me that it’s ok to have a Shabbat meal without devouring half the challah.

Whether struggling with food or a host of other issues, I have learned this: our lives do not need to continue the way they always have. The lies we tell ourselves can be exposed and refuted. We do not have to be the same person we think we have to be. Each day we are given the opportunity to begin. Again.