This week I learned of the death of a distant family
member at the age of 100. Mike had known tragedy—losing his son as a teenager and his wife six month later. He served in World War II and witnessed the liberation of the death
camps. Mike remarried later in life and continued to work as an electrician
well into his 90s. He lived to see two
of his three grandchildren married and to enjoy three great-grandchildren.
Looking at photos of him from his long life, Mike’s smile radiates a deep love
of life and contentment with his lot. Having witnessed the best and worst of
humanity, Mike remained positive throughout his life and he died at peace, beloved
by many.
How we approach the end of life has a lot to do with
how we approach the middle. Some people are naturally gifted with a big heart,
a warm personality, an optimistic view of life. Others have to work at it,
learning to let go of fear and anxiety, discovering the gifts that are hidden
in the everyday. We might ask ourselves, what kind of person do I want to be
when I reach the end?
In this week’s portion, Chayei Sarah, both Abraham and Sarah die. We have the first description
of end of life in Torah. While earlier chapters of Torah tell how old people
were when they died, from Adam who lived 930 years (Gen.5:5) to Methusaleh who
lived 969 years (Gen. 5:27), the names and numbers read like a laundry list.
Abraham and Sarah teach us how to age and how to die.
Chayei Sarah, meaning the life of Sarah, begins by sharing some of
the details: how old she was, where she died, and most importantly, how she was
mourned. Sarah is the first person in the Torah to be buried and Abraham is the
first to grieve a loss. We learn of the deep emotion that often accompanies
grief, as Abraham weeps for her (Gen. 23:2). We read in detail how Abraham
negotiates a plot of land in order to bury his beloved.
And then we read:
Abraham was now old, advanced in years,
And YHVH blessed Abraham in all things (bakol). (Gen 24:1)
Here we learn about Abraham’s own end of life process.
Having lost Sarah, he plans for his final years and for the future of his son,
Isaac. We are told that Abraham was blessed bakol.
Did he really have everything? Did he feel that he had everything?
Abraham had been promised many blessings in his life.
He was promised the Land of Canaan and descendants numerous as the stars in the
sky. Yet most of these blessings were destined to take root in generations to
come, not in Abraham’s lifetime. Could these be the blessings referred to here?
Several commentators speculate what this compact text
might mean. Ibn Ezra explains simply that at the end of his life, Abraham had
riches, honor and children, fulfilling all human desires. He had everything a
person could ever desire.
Rashi suggests that the numerical equivalent of the
word bakol (bet-kaf-lamed) is found in the word ben (bet-nun), meaning
son. Both words equal 52 in gematria (Jewish numerology). Perhaps Abraham
considered his son Isaac his greatest blessing. No matter what greatness we may
achieve in our work or pursuit of our passions, talents or causes, our children
are often all we could ever want.
Given that the story of seeking a wife for Isaac
follows this passage, several commentators connect our verse to Isaac’s future
prospects. Rashbam explains that bakol
means that all the women in the world desired to marry Isaac, so Abraham had to
take great care in helping him find the appropriate spouse. Parents never cease
to be concerned for their children’s welfare.
When we count our blessings, we may start by naming
the material blessings: good health,
enough food, a safe place to live, children and grandchildren. Beyond that, what
else could we ask for? If we have received wealth or honor, contributed to the
world or achieved great heights, that is even more of a blessing than we can
expect. Counting our blessings enables us to notice what we have. Indeed, the
greatest blessing of all is to know that we are blessed.
Rabbi Yechiel Mechel halevi Epstein (1829-1908), the
rabbi of Novogrudok, taught, “God blessed Abraham with the quality of “all,” of
being content with whatever he had, and never feeling that he was lacking
anything. This sounds like Perchik’s song in Fiddler on the Roof, “Now I have Everything.” What Abraham has is
gratitude for everything.
Gratitude is an essential component of contentment.
Abraham is able to weigh all of life’s tests and trials and still feel
grateful. What happens when we feel we have everything? Jewish teaching urges
us to bless, to give thanks and to share our bounty.
The great Hasidic master, Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of
Berditchev, adds another layer to Abraham’s gratitude. Levi Yitzchak understands
this verse as “YHVH blessed Abraham with all (that is, the community) according
to his intention and desire. All that Abraham desired was that all be blessed
along with him.” In this case, Abraham sought to share his blessings with all,
and not to keep them for himself alone.
In this way, Abraham fulfills one of the divine
blessings promised to him in the earliest part of the Abraham story: “all the
families of the earth shall bless themselves by you.” (Gen.12:3) Abraham’s
ability to acknowledge his blessings and his deep desire to share his blessings
brings him additional blessing!
At the end of our lives, what will we treasure most?
Our wealth? Our accomplishments? Our wisdom? Our loved ones? How will we
cultivate our appreciation so that we, too, can be blessed by all who know us,
and be a blessing to them as well?
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